More than feels comfortable — and particularly the things you are inclined to leave out, because those are usually the ones that determine whether a suggestion is any good.
Tell them the things you are embarrassed about
Criteria that sound shallow. If height matters to you, say so. If you are strongly attracted to a particular look, say so. A matchmaker working from a sanitised list makes suggestions you decline for reasons you will not name, and the pattern is invisible to them.
What went wrong before. Including your part. Someone whose account of every past relationship has no self-implication in it is providing very little information.
Things you are anxious about. Your age. Being divorced. Having children. A gap in your history. These come out eventually, and a matchmaker who knows early can place you well rather than being surprised late.
Whether family approval matters. If your parents have strong views that will affect what you can actually do, that is operational information. Pretending otherwise produces introductions that collapse for reasons the matchmaker never sees.
Be honest about your Jewish life
The most common way people mislead a matchmaker — usually without intending to — is describing their Jewish practice aspirationally.
Saying you keep Shabbat when you mean you have Friday night dinner, or describing yourself as traditional because the alternatives sounded worse, produces matches with people who mean something different. That wastes your evening and theirs.
Describe what you actually do. Then describe, separately, what you want your home to be. Those are two different pieces of information and both are useful. A good matchmaker wants both.
Say what you are actually looking for now
Not the abstract answer. The current one.
“I want to be married within two years and I am prepared to travel for the right person” is actionable. “I am open to seeing what happens” is not, and it will get you the suggestions that phrase deserves.
Also say what you would find hard: long distance, someone with young children, someone whose work means they are never around. Constraints are not a failure of open-mindedness. They are what makes a suggestion realistic.
Answer the “why now” question properly
Often the most revealing thing in an intake and the most rushed.
“I am ready” is not an answer. What changed? A birthday, a relationship ending, a sibling’s wedding, a parent’s health, simply being tired of apps — all of these are real answers and each implies something different about what you need.
Give feedback afterwards, including the awkward kind
The most common failure in matchmaking, and it is the person being matched who causes it.
“They were lovely, just not for me” is polite and useless. It tells the matchmaker nothing, so the next suggestion is no better than the last.
Useful looks like: much quieter than I expected and I found it hard work. Also, they talked about their ex a lot, which I did not mind in itself but it made me think they are not quite ready.
That is specific, it is not cruel, and it changes what happens next. Feedback like this goes to the matchmaker and is never forwarded to the other person — not the criticism, not the awkward detail. Speaking carefully about people who are not in the room is a Jewish habit worth keeping, and a matchmaker who does not observe it is one to avoid.
Things you do not have to disclose
Your income, unless you want to. Health information beyond what actually affects a relationship. Anything you would not tell a new acquaintance who happened to be helping you.
The test is relevance: does this affect whether an introduction makes sense? If yes, say it. If no, it is yours.