An interfaith wedding with Jewish content is an ordinary thing now, and there is a well-worn path for it. What there is not, is a single template — which is uncomfortable if you were hoping to be told what to do, and freeing once you accept it.
One thing to say at the top: finding someone to officiate is its own piece of work, and it is not something we do. JLov is a coaching and matchmaking practice, not a wedding service, and we do not place officiants. What we can do is help you know what you are asking for before you go looking.
What is in a Jewish wedding
The full picture is in what is a Jewish wedding. In short: a chuppah, a ketubah, the giving of a ring with a declaration, the seven blessings, the breaking of a glass, and afterwards a celebration that is treated as part of the mitzvah rather than as a party bolted on.
Which parts carry over easily
Most of the visible ones, as it turns out.
- The chuppah. A canopy representing the home the couple will build. It reads clearly to any guest and carries no problem.
- Breaking the glass. Universally recognised, and its meaning — that joy is never complete while there is still brokenness in the world — needs no explaining.
- The seven blessings. Frequently adapted, sometimes read in English, often shared among family and friends.
- Yichud. The short private time immediately after the ceremony. Every couple who does it says it was the best ten minutes of the day.
- The celebration. Dancing, lifting the couple on chairs, the whole of it. Nobody has ever objected.
Which parts are specifically about two Jews marrying
The legal core. Kiddushin — the act of betrothal — and a traditional ketubah are a Jewish legal instrument between two Jews, which is why a rabbi’s willingness to officiate is a real question rather than a matter of taste.
Couples handle this in several ways: a ketubah-style document rewritten as a mutual covenant rather than a halachic contract, a ceremony built around blessing and commitment rather than kiddushin, or two distinct segments with different clergy. Which of these is available to you depends entirely on who is officiating, which is why that decision comes first and shapes everything after it.
Co-officiation
Some couples want clergy from both traditions. Some rabbis will co-officiate, many will not, and a refusal is usually about the structure of the ceremony rather than about you. Ask directly and early. It is a much easier conversation twelve months out than four.
How to decide without it becoming a negotiation
The couples who do this well tend to do the same three things.
Each of you names your two non-negotiables. Not ten. Two. Almost always they turn out not to conflict, and the relief of discovering that is worth the exercise on its own.
Distinguish what you want from what your parents want. Both are legitimate, but they are not the same and they should not be argued as if they were. Say which is which out loud.
Explain, briefly, in the programme. Two sentences per element. Guests from both sides stop feeling like spectators, and that single page does more for the atmosphere of the day than almost anything else you will spend money on.
The part that outlasts the day
A wedding is a day. The home is the rest of it, and a beautifully negotiated ceremony does not settle what happens in December or what your children will say they are. If the wedding planning is the first time you are having these conversations, have the other ones too — the conversations to have first covers them in order.